I heaved a sigh of relief the moment I got home. Aside from the emergency nanny I played at Bimbo’s home, my encounter with the lousy nurse at the hospital got me into serious thinking. The height at which some ladies condescend very low just to get a man’s attention is highly disgusting!
If you can’t beat them, you join them! An inner voice intruded.
I sighed. I had seen in the movies where desperate single ladies literally woo the man of their dreams on the altar of their dignity. But I have determined to be that exceptional precious lady worth finding.
I spent the next hour in the kitchen. Cooking, was my number one hobby; not even fatigue could rob me of that skill. I was almost done preparing my meal when my uncle paid me a visit.
‘I thought as much,’ Uncle Ade laughed heartily the moment he entered my apartment, ‘a little bird told me I would meet you at home, even on a public holiday!’
Uncle Ade was the least visitor I expected; coming all the way from Ibadan to Lagos to see me unannounced was rather legendary.
‘You don’t seem excited seeing me,’ he remarked, studying my countenance, ‘or is there a man in the house?’
‘Uncle Ade, you’re as free as a bird. It’s just this sudden visit that I’m not comfortable with. I hope Maami is okay?’
‘There’s nothing to worry about,’ he smiled, ‘I came for an important meeting in Lagos, so, I decided to stop by and greet you. Is it not a good thing?’
‘It is, sir,’ I nodded even without meaning it.
‘Sir, please give me some minutes while I round off my business in the kitchen.’
‘That shows I came at the right time,’ he laughed.
The next few minutes saw us eating.
‘Dabira, thank you for the sumptuous meal,’ he remarked, rubbing his stomach, ‘to think that Lagos life has not watered down your culinary skills, is highly commendable.’
‘Thank you, sir.’
‘What are you still doing in Lagos, Dabira? There are several big boys in Ibadan who I’m sure would be eager to eat your good food,’ he continued.
‘Uncle Ade, please stop flattering me, you speak as if there are no good cooks in Ibadan.’
‘Come on, don’t be naive, I’m referring to the other food,’ he stared at me, making an awkward gesture with his hands.
‘Dabira, you are very attractive. So, who is the lucky man?’
‘I’m not in any relationship for now.’
‘I’m still waiting…’
‘Ah, mogbe!’ he placed both hands on his head, ‘still waiting? Ni ago melo? At what age, Dabira? Do you want to kill your poor mother before her time?’
‘But it is the duty of a man to search for…’
‘Keep quiet!’ he roared.
‘Dabira, do you have any problem? Even If marriage isn’t forthcoming, why can’t you just get any man to impregnate you?’
‘I can’t do that!’ I fumed, ‘Uncle Ade, I’m a born again Christian and I can’t compromise my faith. Please, sir, stop harassing me…’
‘Harass you?’ he laughed hoarsely, ‘I’ve not even started. I’m giving you till December and if nothing happens, I would forcefully bundle you back to Ibadan and have your head thoroughly washed. You read the bible so much that you can hardly differentiate your left from your right. I don’t understand how a beautiful lady like you would just be walking about the streets of Lagos without being noticed.’
He paused and shook his head.
‘Okay, let me use the modern slang,’ he continued, ‘ is there a particular man currently toasting you?’
I shook my head.
‘Ah! no toaster? not even among the married, disabled, unemployed, Agbero…’
At that moment, I felt like punching his protruding stomach which appeared like a five-month old pregnancy, as my entire body vibrated.
Suddenly, the shrill sound of my handset jolted me; but before I made my way to where it lay, uncle Ade hurriedly picked the call.
‘Hello?’ he began.
‘Oh, I’m just her relative,’ uncle Ade responded to the caller, ‘please hold on for Dabira.’
‘St. Dabira, your lover is on the line,’ he shot me a mischievous smile.
TO BE CONTINUED…